


Choose Your Own Adventure

by nygirl26



Category: The Mindy Project
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-18
Updated: 2016-02-18
Packaged: 2018-05-21 10:27:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6048142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nygirl26/pseuds/nygirl26
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She wants to treat this like a choose your own adventure book, picking a path but always holding her place so she can call a re-do if she’s unhappy with the outcome.  But life isn’t a story book.  It’s not a fairy tale or a nursery rhyme.  And it certainly doesn’t allow for do overs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Choose Your Own Adventure

**Author's Note:**

> First attempt at taking on this fandom/these characters! Written as a way of making sense of season 4 of TMP. I own nothing except my Hulu subscription, my fantasies of Chris Messina and my Mindy pin from BookCon.

Choose Your Own Adventure

 

“ _I'll change a little, and you'll change a lot..._ ”

 

It had seemed such a simple concept to Mindy when she'd said it.  She and Danny were stubborn, but Mindy truly believed that if you wanted something enough, you could will it to be true.  She'd believed then that they were meant to be, if only they were willing to work at it.  At the time, she'd imagined the changes to be made would be based on food, television, music – the things they'd bantered about.  It had never occurred to her that there were bigger, more important, personality shaping differences that couldn't be so easily altered.  Things like the chip on Danny's shoulder, as wide and deep as the Hudson, and his constant waiting for the other shoe to drop.  Things like Mindy's conviction that total happiness is attainable, that somehow (even without actual planning or effort) things will always work out in the end.  Things it seemed now that they'd never really be able to reconcile.  Her childhood had been predictable, comforting, and overwhelmingly normal, while Danny's had been tumultuous at best.  Danny was loved, but used to being lauded for his selflessness, for what he was willing to sacrifice, while Mindy had been exalted simply for being herself.  Mindy never expected these differences in their past to play such a huge part in the breakdown of their present, but it meant that they had fundamentally different makeups, and these weren't changes they could just choose to make.  Spending a half hour watching the news, or adding cauliflower to her mac and cheese were sacrifices she could attempt.  Seeing the world through Danny's eyes, or vice-versa, wasn't quite as easy.  Agreeing on how to raise a child was proving to be impossible.    

Being capable of conceiving a child together does not mean you are capable of raising a child together.  This thought has been running through her head, an unwanted mantra, for weeks.  Mindy always thought that being “ready” for a child meant certain things.  Being financially stable, being in a committed relationship with the father.  It never occurred to her that “ready” should have had a wider scope – discussions about religion, about parenting styles, about child care, preschools, a million other details that don't just come together without work.  But in reality, they weren't ready.  They had been far from ready when she got pregnant, and even though they loved each other, and had more than enough money to support themselves and a baby, it didn't change the fact that the timing was anything but right.  Danny had just made it perfectly clear that she was not someone he saw as a permanent fixture in his life – certainly not someone he considered family – and she was already on the verge of realizing that, forced with a choice between Danny and furthering her career, the choice was not as simple as she once would have assumed.  But things don’t always happen when you’re ready for them.  Sometimes you have to find a way to be ready, even if you’re not.  This is something she’s learning too. 

Mindy wouldn’t trade Leo for anything, not ever.  It was beyond clichéd, but Leo opened up her heart in a way she never imagined possible.  It’s something she could never have really understood until the moment was upon her, but was somewhat prepared for, in an abstract sort of way, as every mother tells you there’s nothing like the love you have for your child.  What Mindy was not at all prepared for was the way Leo brought out the best in her, in every way.  Mindy felt more at ease with herself, more confident in her abilities, more focused on her profession and the desire to succeed, now that she was responsible for another human.  That might have been what upset her the most about this whole twisted situation – where she saw herself finally reaching a potential she didn’t even know she was capable of, Danny saw only failure.  Not enough skill as a homemaker, not enough attention to their son, not enough fulfillment in the traditional role of a mother and partner. 

She hadn’t mentioned this to Danny yet (and the list of things she was keeping bottled up was now comparable to the list of Real Housewives episodes she had saved on the DVR), but his declaration that they should put the wedding on hold, that the only reason he was pushing forward with the plans was to coerce her into getting pregnant again, had shaken her to the core.  The thought that he could be so calculating about a most sacred bond, that their lifetime commitment was something he treated as a punishment or reward, skewed her image of a man she once thought she knew better than anyone.  The only point she could agree with him on is that their relationship had become something unrecognizable.  Gone was her best friend, a man who would race through the city for her, who would fight for her, who needed her desperately.  And with that realization, Mindy acknowledged, finally, that she had a choice to make.

There are a few different ways things can go.  She can stay.  She can fight Danny until he eventually wears her down, puts her down enough to think maybe he's right, maybe she's selfish, maybe she's ruining their son's life.  (No, she thinks.  This is not an option.)  She can give him an ultimatum – work with me on this, meet me half way, or I'll leave and take Leo with me.  This option has branches.  He might ask her to stay, promise to compromise with her.  (It won't last.)    He might get angry, defensive, run to Annette for support.  (He might let her go.)  She can leave temporarily, ask for a break, co-parent as peacefully as possible, show him by example that she can care for their son and be successful professionally, that neither area has to suffer, until he finally realizes she was right all along, they don't actually have any problems, they can move forward, get married, continue to build their lives _together_ , not one being assimilated into the other.  (Her dream option, in reality.  But one that feels further and further away with each passing day.)  She can leave.  She can leave, and stay gone.  She can be the best mother she can be, and the best doctor she can be, and realize that on some days one of those things will take precedence over the other, but that they can co-exist, and she can do it all without someone breathing down her neck, waiting for her to fail.  And maybe Danny will fight her, and maybe in five, ten, twenty years down the road, no matter what has happened between them, she'll be grateful that he is Leo's father.  (Maybe he'll disappear – see Leo occasionally, send cards and child support, but fade into the background.  It never fully leaves her mind that it was a little too easy for Danny to leave their tiny son, to stay away through so many milestones, so many smiles and coos and snuggles.  Maybe he's a bit more of his father's son than either one of them thought.)  She'll have her parents (maybe she'll have Annette, maybe she won't), Peter from afar, her crazy co-workers (they're monsters, but they're reliable monsters with hearts of gold when she needs them to be) (except Beverly).  The one thing she is utterly convinced of is that she can do this.  There will be no giving up, or giving in, or failing when it comes to her son.  Leo will get her absolute best no matter what else is happening in her world. 

Mindy wants a practice shot, a warm up throw – she wants to treat this like a choose your own adventure book, picking a path but always holding her place so she can call a re-do if she’s unhappy with the outcome.  But life isn’t a story book.  It’s not a fairy tale or a nursery rhyme.  And it certainly doesn’t allow for do overs. 

And maybe she is flighty, maybe she can be indecisive, maybe she doesn't think through consequences.  But the best things in her life have come from those qualities. Flightiness, like choosing her major abruptly based on the fact that someone told her she couldn't do it, lead her to medicine.  Her indecisiveness has taught her to keep her options open, if for no other reason than that her preferences, her opinions, her desires change fairly often, intentionally or not.  Her lack of thinking through the consequences of things makes her willing to try, to go out on a limb, to live.  Without that quality she might not have moved to New York, might not have stayed at Shulman, might not have taken that fellowship and, most importantly, might not have Leo. 

Mindy breathes in deep, centers herself, opens herself up to the universe buzzing around her.  She is Beyoncé Pad Thai.  She is the mother of the most perfect baby in existence.  She is Dr. Mindy Lahiri, OB/GYN and entrepreneur. 

 

She leaps.    


End file.
